Our Real Need for Approval | Sermon | The Grove Church, Port St. Lucie

How to Be Free from the Fear of Rejection and the Lust for Approval

Christian Freedom: Galatians, Week 2 | All sermons

"Live from approval, not for it."

Summary

In this message on Galatians 1:1 and 6-10, David Hancock, pastor of The Grove Church in Port St. Lucie, Florida, exposes the hidden engine beneath most human striving: the twin forces of pride and fear that drive us to need other people's approval. Most people do not need everyone's approval, but everyone needs someone's, and those few opinions quietly shape a life. Paul traces the conspiracy in Galatia back to those same two forces, then answers it with justification: the verdict on you is already in, so you no longer live for approval but from it.

Key Takeaways

Our greatest hope is to be known and loved; our greatest fear is to be known and rejected.
Justification means nothing you do or fail to do makes God love you more or less.
There are two kinds of approval: the legal verdict already given, and living into the person God has already declared you to be.
The desire for approval is good and God-given. The mistake is settling for it from the wrong source.

Read Galatians 1:1, 6-10 (ESV)

Paul, an apostle, not from men nor through man, but through Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead.

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel, not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Talk about it

1. Think of a person whose opinion has carried unusual weight in your life, a parent, coach, or peer group. How did their approval, or disapproval, shape a decision you made?

The Conspiracy: What Were the Judaizers Really After?

Paul is writing to churches he planted in Galatia. After he left, a group called the Judaizers arrived with fake credentials, accused Paul of being a crowd-pleasing sophist, and convinced the churches to add the law of Moses to the gospel. Paul reveals at the end of the letter that the Judaizers were driven by the very things they accused Paul of: fear of persecution and the pride of wanting followers.

Talk about it

2. The Judaizers had a surface-level message but a hidden motive. Where do you see that same pattern today, people presenting one thing publicly while being driven by something else underneath?

3. Paul says the Judaizers were projecting their own shortcomings onto him. Have you ever caught yourself criticizing in others something you struggle with yourself? What does that reveal?

4. Paul was beaten and imprisoned for a message that made people uncomfortable. When have you been tempted to soften or shape what you say to protect yourself from rejection?

The Human Condition: Why Do We Need Other People's Approval?

The sermon identifies three ways pride and fear show up in everyday life: people-pleasing relationships, identity built on performance, and beliefs shaped by the need for approval.

Talk about it

5. The sermon says our greatest hope is to be known and loved, and our greatest fear is to be known and rejected. How does that tension play out in your closest relationships?

6. People-pleasing has two faces: always saying yes to avoid conflict, and always speaking hard truth, but only to earn the respect of a different crowd. Which version do you recognize more in yourself?

7. Identity built on performance means when things go well we feel acceptable, and when we fail we feel worthless. What area of your life functions most like a courtroom where you're constantly on trial?

The Gospel Answer: What Does Justification Change?

The heart of the sermon is justification: God's verdict on us is already in. Because of Christ's finished work, tetelestai, "paid in full," we are already declared righteous. We don't obey to be accepted; our acceptance changes our hearts to want to obey.

KEY CONCEPT: TWO KINDS OF APPROVAL Declarative approval, or justification: the legal verdict is already in. You are approved, loved, and cherished by God. Lived approval: living into the person God has already declared you to be, not to earn love, but because the love already exists.

Talk about it

8. The father-son illustration: a son with a good father knows he is loved, has nothing to prove, and yet wants to please his father, not to earn the love, but because the love already exists. How does your experience with your own father shape how easy or difficult it is to receive that same kind of unconditional approval from God?

9. If nothing we do or don't do makes God love us more or less, why do you think it's so hard to actually live that way? What keeps us on the treadmill?

Two Options: Whose Verdict Will You Live By?

The sermon presents a clear fork in the road: keep seeking the approval of people and remain a slave forever, or rest in the verdict already given by the judge whose opinion actually matters. Freedom in Christ means we care deeply about people, but from love, not need.

Talk about it

10. Paul calls himself a slave of Christ and says you will be a slave to something. What are the practical differences between slavery to the approval of people and slavery to Christ?

Living It Out: What Does Freedom from Approval Look Like?

Gospel freedom lands in three practical areas: relationships, identity, and faith.

Talk about it

11. Relationships: is there a relationship in your life right now where you've been shrinking or avoiding hard truth? What would it look like to speak honestly from a place of security rather than self-protection?

12. Identity: you can hear rejection without it going to your heart and hear praise without it going to your head. Which is harder for you right now, not letting failure crush you, or not letting success define you?

13. Faith: what spiritual practices or habits are you still doing, at least partly, to earn something; God's love, others' respect, your own sense of worth?

The Heart of It: What Rejection Did Christ Absorb?

The sermon ends by pointing to Christ, who faced the worst rejection imaginable, rejection from the Father on the cross, so that we could receive the approval and admiration He deserves. He also emptied himself of pride, humbling himself all the way to death on a cross.

ISAIAH 53:3 AND PHILIPPIANS 2:7-8 "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." (Isaiah 53:3) "He emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Philippians 2:7-8)

Talk about it

14. Jesus cried "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" He got the rejection we deserve so we could get the approval He deserves. What does it do to your heart to sit with that exchange?

15. The sermon says the desire for approval is good; God put it there. The problem is settling for it from the wrong source. Where are you currently settling? What would it look like to turn that desire fully toward God?

Questions This Sermon Answers

What is the difference between declarative approval and lived approval?

Declarative approval, or justification, means the legal verdict is already in. You are approved, loved, and cherished by God. Lived approval means living into the person God has already declared you to be, not to earn love, but because the love already exists.

What was a sophist in the ancient world?

In the Greek world, sophists were traveling teachers who moved from city to city winning audiences through persuasion and rhetoric rather than truth. They were trained in the art of persuasion; truth did not matter, winning the crowd did. They were even brought in before elections to sway voters. That is the accusation leveled at Paul.

What does "tetelestai" mean?

It is the single word Jesus spoke from the cross, translated "it is finished." In that world it was the word stamped on a debt to mark it paid in full. Everything required of us was paid by Christ. Christ did not abolish the law and the sacrificial system; he fulfilled them.

Why did the Judaizers want the Galatians circumcised?

Paul answers this at the end of the letter. Two motives: fear and pride. They feared persecution from fellow Jews for abandoning circumcision, diet laws, and the sacrificial system. And they wanted followers to boast in. They were accusing Paul of exactly what drove them.

Vision for the Christian Life

The Grove to live as a community of sons and daughters who fear no one's rejection and crave no one's applause. Free from the lust for admiration and validation, with nothing to prove, we love God and love one another from that freedom; free and fully alive.

Discussion Questions for Small Groups: Galatians 1

Think of a person whose opinion has carried unusual weight in your life, a parent, coach, or peer group. How did their approval, or disapproval, shape a decision you made?
The Judaizers had a surface-level message but a hidden motive. Where do you see that same pattern today, people presenting one thing publicly while being driven by something else underneath?
Paul says the Judaizers were projecting their own shortcomings onto him. Have you ever caught yourself criticizing in others something you struggle with yourself? What does that reveal?
Paul was beaten and imprisoned for a message that made people uncomfortable. When have you been tempted to soften or shape what you say to protect yourself from rejection?
The sermon says our greatest hope is to be known and loved, and our greatest fear is to be known and rejected. How does that tension play out in your closest relationships?
People-pleasing has two faces: always saying yes to avoid conflict, and always speaking hard truth, but only to earn the respect of a different crowd. Which version do you recognize more in yourself?
Identity built on performance means when things go well we feel acceptable, and when we fail we feel worthless. What area of your life functions most like a courtroom where you're constantly on trial?
The father-son illustration: a son with a good father knows he is loved, has nothing to prove, and yet wants to please his father, not to earn the love, but because the love already exists. How does your experience with your own father shape how easy or difficult it is to receive that same kind of unconditional approval from God?
If nothing we do or don't do makes God love us more or less, why do you think it's so hard to actually live that way? What keeps us on the treadmill?
Paul calls himself a slave of Christ and says you will be a slave to something. What are the practical differences between slavery to the approval of people and slavery to Christ?
Relationships: is there a relationship in your life right now where you've been shrinking or avoiding hard truth? What would it look like to speak honestly from a place of security rather than self-protection?
Identity: you can hear rejection without it going to your heart and hear praise without it going to your head. Which is harder for you right now, not letting failure crush you, or not letting success define you?
Faith: what spiritual practices or habits are you still doing, at least partly, to earn something; God's love, others' respect, your own sense of worth?
Jesus cried "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" He got the rejection we deserve so we could get the approval He deserves. What does it do to your heart to sit with that exchange?
The sermon says the desire for approval is good; God put it there. The problem is settling for it from the wrong source. Where are you currently settling? What would it look like to turn that desire fully toward God?

Related Messages in This Series

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Pastor David Hancock is the Lead Pastor of The Grove Church in Port St. Lucie, FL, a church where believers and skeptics wrestle honestly with faith and doubt.

Wrestling with a question this raised? You can text in your question on any Sunday and hear it answered after the sermon. Or come sit with people asking the same things. Plan Your Visit

Read the full sermon manuscript

Everyone knows what it feels like to not only crave someone's approval, but to need it, to lust for it. Before you say, no not me: most people don't need everyone's approval, but everyone needs someone's approval. Even just one or two people whose opinions carry enormous weight. You are their slave, their opinions are shaping your life, and as hard as you try to rid yourself of this, you can't stop. A counselor can't help you, a new mindset won't work, and the cure isn't even to not care what people think of you at all, which often makes us worse. How do we break free? We must realize this is a spiritual and theological problem. Today, we discover the truth that sets us free from our need for approval.

We are in our series from Paul's letter to the Galatians called Christian Freedom. Our aim is for you to have the invisible chains broken and live not just free but fully alive.

Paul, an apostle, not from men nor through man, but through Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead. I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel, not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: if anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Attention all you conspiracy theorists: get ready, because this letter exposes one. Paul is a traveling preacher and church planter who started an ecosystem of churches in Galatia. Paul is like their spiritual father, their mentor. He loves them deeply and has labored over them, risking his own life for them. The church is like his child, but now, like most children, they are questioning Paul's authority. Why? A conspiracy spread throughout the region about Paul and the message of Christianity he taught them.

Who started this conspiracy? A highly organized, winsome, and persuasive group called the Judaizers. After Paul started this network of churches he went off to start others in the surrounding region, and the Judaizers came in and said, you all are in real danger. You have been tricked by Paul, and he is not to be trusted, he is using you for his own gain. How did they trick a whole network of churches into believing this about Paul?

Back then, traveling teachers carried letters of recommendation. Think of them like ancient Google reviews. These letters would be proof of someone's authority. If the reviews were really good and came from the right people, then the teachers would have immediate influence.

Well, the Judaizers came with some kind of recommendation from James, Jesus' half brother and leader of the movement alongside Peter.

On top of that, they accused Paul of being a sophist. In the Greek world, sophists were traveling teachers who moved from city to city, winning audiences through persuasion and rhetoric, not truth. Sophists were trained in the art of persuasion; the truth didn't matter, what mattered was winning the audience over.

They were brought in before elections to stir the crowd to one side or the other, telling people what they wanted to hear for the vote.

They were essentially saying, Paul is just telling you what you want to hear. He is giving you an easy message, one that says salvation is by faith alone and grace alone.

They say, come on, do you really think salvation is that easy? Paul is putting you in danger of eternal death.

So they say, let me tell you how to really be saved. Yes, Jesus, but he isn't enough. Faith alone isn't enough. You must follow the law of Moses, the Mosaic covenant, as it is called. Which means you must be circumcised, keep the dietary laws, and the sacrificial system. They say Paul is trying to make it easy for you so he will gain a following.

No one as an adult would want to hear you have to be circumcised, that you can't eat bacon, that you have to take your favorite animals and sacrifice them. So Paul is just telling you what you want to hear; he is making it easy for you.

They are saying, Christianity isn't just faith in Jesus. Yes, he died and rose for you, but come on, do you really think there is nothing else for you to do? Do you really think God doesn't care about doing the right thing?

Come on, Paul has no letters. We are coming from James. And you can't trust Paul's message because he is a sophist telling you what you want to hear.

And of course they hear all of this, and the Judaizers win them over.

The irony is that while the Judaizers were presenting themselves as five-star Google review teachers, it turns out the letter was a fake.

Then Paul reveals at the end of this letter that they were actually bringing this message and traveling around for two reasons: fear and pride.

First, they feared the persecution of the Jewish people. The Judaizers were Jewish converts to Christianity, but they didn't want their fellow Jews, their family members they loved, to reject them for becoming Christians and leaving their religious traditions behind, like circumcision, diet, festivals, and the sacrificial system.

And more than that, they feared real persecution, like what Paul got when he was stoned almost to death in the cities he would go to and preach. It wasn't Paul who wanted to soften the message; in fact, Paul's message made him an outlaw, and he was eventually murdered for the Christian message.

It wasn't Paul who feared persecution but them.

And second, pride. It was the Judaizers who were trying to make a name for themselves. They wanted the success, the approval, the admiration of the world. They wanted followers to add to their resume.

They were accusing Paul of doing the very thing they were doing. Often we project our own shortcomings onto others because we assume everyone is just like us.

Here is where it's written at the end of this letter: it is those who want to make a good showing in the flesh who would force you to be circumcised, and only in order that they may not be persecuted for the cross of Christ. For even those who are circumcised do not themselves keep the law, but they desire to have you circumcised that they may boast in your flesh.

Fear of rejection and persecution, along with the pride of wanting admiration from the world, is what drove them. That's the conspiracy, driven by pride and fear.

Not a lot has changed today. This is a permanent human condition. Pride and fear is the engine underneath every distortion of Christianity today.

First, pride is the need to be seen, known, admired, and successful. It's pride that lusts after the approval of others that makes us feel worthy. So today, preachers shape their messages to build audiences rather than tell the truth.

Why do they do this? Because for all of us, our greatest hope is to be known and loved, but our greatest fear is to be known and rejected.

Second, fear is the terror of being unworthy, of being rejected. In a way it's a survival mechanism in us. We are terrified we won't be successful, won't be worthy, that we will shrink into nothingness. Preachers preach in fear that the people will walk out on them, will reject them. So they remove the parts that might offend.

This problem isn't reserved for preachers; it's part of the human condition that plagues us all. Let me give you three ways this pride and fear is showing up in your life.

First, people-pleasing relationships. This looks like saying yes when you mean no, avoiding necessary conflict, and never telling a friend a hard truth because we cannot afford to lose their approval. There is another form of this that looks opposite but is the same. Some Christians hear what I'm saying right now and say, oh, I'm not a people pleaser who is afraid to say something to someone. But in reality, underneath, you find they are only trying to prove to the real Christians that they are a worthy Christian. They are just trying to please different people. You can tell these people by the way they correct you; it feels like it lacks love for you. They are also people pleasers, just ones who aren't trying to please you but someone else.

The second is identity built on performance. This is when we measure our worth by our success. Our parenting, our career, even our spiritual knowledge and practices. When things go well, we feel acceptable, and when we fail, we feel worthless. This is constantly being on trial by an invisible jury. When winning goes to our head and failure to our hearts.

The third one is deeper. Even your beliefs are shaped by the need for approval.

Some reject Christianity not because they have examined it, but because of what people who are important to them would think if they became one.

For many, to become a Christian they must leave their parents' faith behind, and it will cost them their relationship, or at least cost them their respect.

And maybe that is why you are a Christian, because your parents are, and you fear losing their acceptance. But that isn't being a Christian; that is being a follower not of Jesus but of your parents' approval.

Some people don't know what they actually believe; they just claim belief in something, but what they are really claiming is the approval of someone important to them.

Some of you need to leave your parents' Christianity behind and make Christianity your own.

Contrast us and these Judaizers to Paul. We fear persecution and a negative opinion of those who are important to us.

We and the Judaizers lust for fame and acclaim, or just the love of those important to us.

But Paul is a man who has been beaten, stoned, imprisoned, run out of cities, persecuted by those who were probably once his friends, and he fears nothing and has no need for the approval of others. He is completely content no matter what is said about him.

He is a man who is fully free, and if you want what he has, you must learn what he already knows.

He became this way through an apparent contradiction. Let me explain it.

When Paul says I'm astonished you are turning to a different gospel, he means you are trying to add to the finished work of Christ.

At the heart of Christianity is the word gospel. Gospel literally means good and joyful news. News that, if you are hearing it and it doesn't sound like the greatest news you have ever heard, you are likely misunderstanding it.

The picture is of an ancient runner, like a mailman, running to the gates of a city shouting out the good news that there is a new king.

In Christianity this king didn't come to be served but to serve, by giving his life.

And when Jesus was on the cross he said one word: tetelestai. One word that means it is finished. It was used to stamp a debt as paid in full.

Everything that was required of us was paid by Christ. It's not that Christ abolished the law, the sacrificial system, circumcision. He didn't abolish it; he fulfilled it. Christianity isn't saying those things were bad; they were only shadows pointing to Christ.

The law was put in place as a guardian to help us live as we ought, but it ended up condemning us, not because of the law, but because of our sin. The sacrificial system was set up as a shadow of something greater to come, the sacrifice of Christ once and for all.

Circumcision was the mark that we belonged to God, but in our spiritual baptism by faith we are marked by a circumcision of the heart, where our heart of stone is cut out.

The gospel isn't do, it's done. We don't obey to be accepted, but our acceptance changes our hearts to want to obey.

The theological word we are looking for is justification. It means there is nothing we do or don't do that will make God love us more or less. His love is fixed upon us, constant. His love is unconditional because we are clothed with the perfect record of Christ.

Now here comes the freedom. We don't have to seek the approval of man or even of God. There is nothing we can do to make God love us more than he already does because of the credit Christ put on our account.

That is how Paul is so free.

But now here comes the apparent contradiction in verse 10.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

The gospel means we are approved of by God, justified, so why is Paul talking about seeking the approval of God?

There are two kinds of approval.

Justification is declarative approval: the legal verdict has already come in about the Christian. You are approved, loved, cherished, even admired by God.

Now Paul is seeking to live into the new clothes he is wearing. He is declared righteous, but now he wants to become the kind of man God has already declared him to be.

The gospel gives us not just a new record but a new heart that wants to live as children of God would live.

The best way to understand this is a father and a son. A son who has a good father knows he is loved. He has nothing to prove to his father. The relationship is secure. And yet he wants to please his father. Not to earn the love but because the love already exists. His desire to please flows from the security of being loved.

Paul doesn't need James' endorsement, he doesn't need Jerusalem's credentials, he doesn't need the Galatians' admiration. He has everything he already needs from the Father in heaven because of the work of Christ the Son.

That's why Paul opens the letter saying he is an apostle not of man nor through men, but from God.

He doesn't need a letter of recommendation; he has been sent by the God who approves of him.

And the proof that Paul doesn't care what the Galatians think of him is in verses 6 through 9.

If you are seeking the approval of man, you don't call people deserters, traitors, and treasonous rebels against God. And if you want the approval of people, you don't say if my message ever changes, I'm accursed.

He doesn't fear their opinion, and he doesn't want their approval. He wants them, their souls, to join him in eternity with the Father who saved him. He doesn't care what they think, but he does, and not from pride or fear but from love for them, for their good. He cares but he doesn't.

The same way God cares about your sins but doesn't.

You have two options to live by. You can keep seeking the approval of people and remain a slave forever, on the treadmill that never stops.

Or you can rest in the verdict that has already been given by the judge whose opinion actually matters, and work not for His approval but live into the approval you already have.

But if you are going to be free and believe this, you will be required to let people down, to not believe what they want you to, and they aren't used to it. They won't be ready for you to take off the chains, and it might cost you relationships.

Paul calls himself a servant of God, but the real word is slave. Christ is the only master who makes you free. You will be a slave to something. Be a slave to the one who sets you free.

When free, you won't care about what people think of you anymore, and that puts you in the position to truly love them, because now you don't need anything from them.

What does all this look like practically?

In relationships, you can speak the hard truth without fear, you can stop shrinking to keep the peace, and you can speak the truth not to prove you are free from the opinion of others, but with love that comes from true freedom.

With your identity, you can now hear rejection without it going to your heart and hear praise without it going to your head. Your worth isn't in jeopardy anymore; it's secure and stable.

In your faith, you can finally make it your own. Now prayer is no longer performative, knowledge is no longer proof that you are worth something, and hard work doesn't make you more Christian.

One more thing you must understand. The desire for approval is good; it's been put there by God. It's what leads you to Him. The greatest mistake of man is settling.

When you are seeking the approval of man, you are settling for something less than the approval you ultimately seek. The answer isn't to not care what others think of you. It's to turn up your desire for approval so high that you say, it can't come from any man, it must come from God alone.

That is when you finally, after all this time, meet the real Christ.

Not your parents' version, not the culture's version, but the real Christ.

The only one who could truly set you free. How does he do it?

He faced the worst rejection we could fear. In Isaiah 53:3 we see he was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Rejected by the very people he came to save, abandoned by his closest friends, mocked by the crowds, condemned by the religious elite.

And then he endured the most terrifying rejection of all: rejection from the Father.

On the cross Jesus cries, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me. It is the only place Jesus doesn't call God Father. Why? Because in that moment he got the rejection we deserve so we can get the admiration from the Father he deserves.

All the admiration, the approval, if I dare say it, the fame you receive in the eyes of God, can only come through Christ.

But there is more. He not only faced rejection but drained himself of pride.

Philippians 2 says he emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Jesus had every right to be admired and even worshipped by creation, but he humbled himself. He never protected his platform, never managed his public image. He humbled himself not just to be rejected, but all the way to death on a cross.

And that is why he is lifted high and exalted above every name. Follow Him into freedom.

Let's be a church of sons and daughters who don't fear the rejection of others, who don't live for the lust for admiration and validation.

Let's be free, knowing we have God's approval, and let's live into that approval, sons and daughters who are free and alive.